Every new years eve (and the eve of my birthday) I always review the year that is coming to a close. I highlight my favorite moments but especially moments that I drew so much wisdom from and life lessons I take with me to the next year. These typically come from things people said or did or I things I personally experienced.
I feel compelled to share some of the things that were learning points for me. I wanted to do a ‘taking stock‘ but I could not bring myself to summarize anything LOL. I hope you can relate to some of them and draw some wisdom from this busy 24 year old mind of mine on the final day of 2015.
On God
The two most important things I have learnt this year is to trust Him and to let go of control. To trust Him to take me where I should be even though things may not be too clear at a given point. I have learnt to let go of control and hand it to Him because worrying about things I cannot change/ haven’t happened gives me unnecessary anxiety and could turn me crazy in a few years to come.
On Relationships
Just like everything else in life, relationships require hard work. One moment you are really happy, then it sort of plateaus, then suddenly there is this raging cold war. You feel me? The feeling of love will always fluctuate. But love is not a feeling, but an action. It requires you to choose that person over and over again. It requires plenty of forgiveness more than anything too. It requires celebrating having that person in your life when they have done things that make you a bit mad just as you would when they make you happy because you wouldn’t have it any other way. But that does not mean date an asshole and stay, don’t get me wrong. They should be able to celebrate you too in all situations! Know your worth and know what is worth fighting for and what isn’t.
There are the stages you discover their difficult characteristics. The moments you must have those awkward but necessary conversations. The time where your selfishness , and maybe their’s too, is revealed. It is most difficult at the cold stages, but it is also the most critical stage for your growth as a couple and for you as a person. It is not the time to give up, or run away or call a certain morning radio show and broadcast your problems. But a time to streamline everything, like adults, make your concerns or fears heard, make the choice to love and carry on. It is always worth it in the end.
I have also learnt the beauty of not over-sharing in a world where we are almost expected to display every moment and detail about your relationship. I understand we are all different and that some people enjoy sharing their love life with the whole of humanity. But I personally feel there is this beauty about keeping special, almost sacred moments about the two of you to just two of you. You don’t have to share everything. You do not owe the world anything.
On Cooking.
I once read on a blog sometime late this year that women should read because men find it attractive. One of the readers on that post’s comments chimed in that they should also learn to cook because it is also considered attractive. Here is my opinion: Cook because you want to, cook because you like to, not because someone else makes you to. That applies to BOTH men and women. Do not cook because society decided for you that that will make you attractive, or to get attention of a girl. Do not cook for people because you want something from them in return, but simply out of love. I personally enjoy cooking. But I do not do it to become attractive in society’s eyes, but just because I love it. Even if society decided today that cooking is a bad thing, I would still love cooking and I would still do it. You owe it to yourself to make yourself great food. Learn how to treat yourself to good food such that once you cook for others, it becomes your gift to them. Cook for people because you love to, because you enjoy giving them an experience, because you want to be a blessing to them, not to get something in return.
On dreams and ambitions
Your dreams can be anything! Your ambitions can surpass everything! That may sound old, but the more I free my mind, the more I see possibilities. This year I have seen people make it and go hard after their dreams, inspiring me so much in the process to go after mine. Yes, you can be a lawyer who changes course and becomes the most influential fashion minds the world has ever seen. Who says you shouldn’t?? Who says you can’t??! You can smoothly break from corporate life into entrepreneurship. Why not? Do not allow society to dictate to you who you should be. You only have one life, live! And you can have it all, the only thing is you have to believe. Telling you to believe in yourself is easy. But having you (and me) actually believe is the catch. It is not as easy, but it is very powerful. This year I have seen, felt and lived the full force of belief. That which makes you go forth even though it does not make too much sense. And by the grace of God, everything falls into place. But before everything falls into place, you MUST put in the hard work. You must put in the hours. You must deliberately strive to be your best and top your best. Do not be that person who says “I believe I am so capable” or “I am waiting on God” but is too scared to make the first step towards the direction of their dreams.
On Body Image and Self Love
On October 3rd 2015, this article by Njoki Chege set off the entire country. It is one thing to tell someone to lead a healthy life, but another entirely different thing to body shame. Some people told me, oh you are so lucky to be tiny. But in reality, I totally understand what it feels to be body shamed. Is the grass really greener on the other side? We shall get back to that question.
Body shaming affects both sided of the divide. Heck it affects everyone! Growing up as a thin girl in Africa is not the easiest thing since being slender is not what is considered beautiful on this continent. The idea of beauty in this country in particular is curves. More is More is More is…. I remember all through adolescence and early adulthood being laughed at and ridiculed because I am slim. I have been told countless times I am “not African enough” since I have the body of a white girl SMH. I have been “advised” to fill up my skirts while in high school and more recently to work on going up 3 dress sizes. At some point, I dreaded family reunions, all reunions actually, since I would always be asked why I am still a size 6 yet it is not by choice that I really do not gain weight that easily. I have endured constant comparison. I will not lie, it did get to me. One day, I think during my 22nd year of life, I did some serious soul searching and asked myself “But do I really want to change?” The answer was no! Because if I did change it was for society. A society I will never satisfy and loose myself in the limbo of pursuit of the ever elusive body perfection! I let society tell me who I should be. How dare I?! Society will shame fat girls, in the same breath still shame thin girls. There is no winning! There is only loving yourself as you are. I have since stopped giving body shamers room in my mind and just loving life (and myself hehe #vanity). I am happy, content and above all healthy! Nowadays, the thing about myself that the Kenyan society told me was bad about myself (i.e. having a healthy appetite and remaining slim), is the thing I love MOST about myself. I dare you too, to embrace, love and even celebrate that thing that society tells you is “bad”.
Whether you are thin, fat, short, tall, dark, pale e.t.c., rest assured that someone will ALWAYS have a problem with your body. You will always be physically inadequate in someone else’s eyes. It is your CHOICE to love your body as it is, no one will do that for you. And lucky for all of us, loving yourself as you are is the most liberating thing to do. I can say that from experience. I love me, with my small thighs, and pretty much small everything. Back to our question, is the grass greener on the other side? You shouldn’t even be looking at the other side. Water your own lawn. Cultivate some plenty of self love. And whenever someone points out your ‘flaws’, punch them in the mouth and drag their face in the soil ask them why they have a problem with the body a perfect God gave you. Regardless of your body shape/size, you were made by a perfect God, and he never erred when he gave your you body and your features.
On Success
I finally knew with clarity what success means to me, and the kind of success I am chasing. On a personal scale, success is peace in my mind and Happiness in my soul. We have been hard wired to believe accumulating things is what will make us happy. Money is a great thing, and we all want some, but it is not all that is. I know without doubt someone is reading this and saying they would rather be filthy rich and miserable. But if you really think about it, it is better to have enough and have peace and happiness in abundance.
On a societal scale, success is making a positive difference and leaving a mark, as cliche as that sounds. Adding value to someone else’s life is success to me. It does not have to be a huge thing like building a Lake-Victoria-Size dam reservoir in the middle of the Kalahari.It can be small, but still make a huge difference. If we all left our small marks on this earth, the change would be great collectively. Haba na haba hujaza kibaba.
What does success mean to you?
On blogging
Plenty of people have blogs. Many more may be wanting to start one too. I am not a blog super star or anything, but I can contribute some knowledge for your journey based on my own.
If you want to start a blog, find your own voice in your niche. Be original. DO NOT try to copy anyone. I repeat, DO NOT COPY ANYONE, be it their writing style, content or feel. That is suicidal and self depreciating. Starting a blog is the easy part, sustaining it is the tough part. But if you love what you will be/are blogging about, you will always make time for it. Be relentless with the quality of content you put out. It is either excellent or inferior. No in between. Do not compete with anyone. You are your only competition. Only aim to top yourself and improve yourself. If you focus on another person’s journey, you will find yourself obsessing over them and loosing site of your vision. Focus!
Then, as much as possible, train yourself to be self sufficient. Learn how to handle as much as you can on your own. You can handle nearly everything on your own, do not make your blogging experience an expensive one. I handle everything, from content, to photography, to site management, to social media. Doing everything on your own also allows you to have things exactly as you want them. You alone understands your vision, so that means you are best suited to execute it. But when you need help, ask. You are only human and you do not know everything and that’s ok too.
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Which lessons have you learnt this year? I would love to know below :))
xx
Hey there! My name is Kaluhi and I love food! Through my blog, I am happy to share with you my self-taught recipes, steeped in nostalgia and the happiest of memories. I hope each recipe you try out is as addictive as the previous one and is shared on a table full of love and hearty laughs!
So proud of you sister !!!! ❤❤❤
Wonderful post !
<3 <3 <3 Sending love right back!
“Do not be that person who waits on God but is too scared to take the first step” That has strung a cord with me. I think that specific line was just meant for me…
On body image, I think we all struggle. Male or female. Beyonce or Jane Doe. Society cannot be satisfied, you are right. we all need to remind ourselves that. Thank you for this post. I love your mind and the glow of your soul ❤
It does affect both makes and females! You are right. I hope the generations to come will not be battling with these problems our world currently faces. Cheers to many more in 2016!!
Ahh man
So much feels. What you said about cooking and the fact that you would do it even if the world didn’t think it was cool– I thought something so similar about reading in the wake of said post *ahem*. Our passions are about what make us joyful, not about playing a certain role for appearances sake. So so important.
I love so much about this. Happy new year Dagzie.
Xx
W.
Hey Wanjiku,
Oh that blog really got me thinking about stuff…. Should we do things because it makes us seem cool or because they simply make us happy? This is so important to everyone! In the end, we will only have ourselves and no one will really care if we did anything to get approval in their eyes. Glad that we can relate
Happy new year and may your blog grow to unimaginable heights.
Love.
2015. It was a great year!
My greatest lesson of all was learning that its perfectly OK to outgrow some people. And to let go of people who don’t add meaning to your life.
It was indeed a fab year!
I think I can add that too to the lessons I learnt. It is OK to outgrow people. It is OK for friendships to fizzle out. It is OK to find yourself which may mean loosing other people in the process. Thats just life..
I love your blog. God bless you in the new year.
Thank you so much Olivia! I indeed claim all those blessings and hoping the same for you too :))
Oh how well I relate with this post is just too scary. I’m skinny as hell but I’m learning to embrace shopping in the children’s section ????
LOL! Funny enough being skinny in another part of the world is beautiful, but in this country it just isnt and I feel never will. It is just up to us to love our skinny asses, skinny waists, skinny arm, skinny thighs, skinny errthang no matter who says what. God made us perfect, doll {hug}
Hi,
A wonderful article and great lessons that i can relate to especially the losing control and letting God oh how i worry and stress over things that have happened and those that haven’t…cheers to trusting God fully this year.
Hey Ruth!
I love that we can relate on that point. This year and all others, its time to be still. Be still. He has this in control :)))
So deep, you are very insightful and am enjoying your blog so much. Have yourself a blessed year Kaluhi????
Happy to have touched your heart. Have a blessed 2016 too Sarah! :))
This has been my best blog past year for the recipies,been printing them and trying out, will be looking forward to more this year. Thank you and be blessed.
Hey Alice Mercy!
I am equally thrilled to have you as a reader. Cheers to many more and I hope to bless you kitchen life even more.
All I have to say is, thank you!
I have had this passion for so long. What stops me?
Time!!
When I get the time, I really cook…and enjoy.
If only u had a recipe book…would love to get one
I am glad this touched you. Chase those dreams. You only have this life so do it big. As for the recipe book, that is a fantastic idea. I will keep that noted for my 2016 plans.
I love your blog. U r so much of an inspiration.
Aww! So glad to here that Ciru <3
“Cook because you want to, cook because you like to, not because someone else makes you to. That applies to BOTH men and women. Do not cook because society decided for you that that will make you attractive, or to get attention of a girl. ” – AMEN
AMEN!!!!!
This is quite a touching post with such excellent advice. I related mostly to the one regarding body shaming. I, too, am tiny and have always been, and best believe people wouldn’t hold back on rubbing that in my face. When I was in uni a few years back, I surprisingly (and unintentionally) gained quite a bit of weight and what do you know?? People started telling me I was getting too big. Silly me, I deliberately stopped eating as much just to lose weight and ended up losing WAY more than I intended, I was smaller than I was to begin with. It’s no surprise what happened after that; “Oh my gosh you’ve lost SO much weight! You’re so skinny now. You use to be so curvaceous and thick, what happened? Are you sick? You need to eat!”. Depression mode kicked in real hard and I found myself trying so hard for months to gain weight and it never happened. It was in that time of depression that I learned exactly what you’ve mentioned here. There truly is NO winning and I learned it the hard way. I was out there changing not for myself but for society and acceptance. The key is (simply put but still hard to do fully) to LOVE yourself! I still haven’t mastered that 100% but I’m well on my way. Thank you for sharing, you’ve actually inspired me to do a post on this topic. Hoping to encourage some ladies just as you have encouraged me. Stay blessed. Xx
I literally feel like hugging you right now {{{{{hug}}}}}. I. TOTALLY. FEEL. YOU! Self love is a constant journey. It is a daily choice to love our selves. Daily choice!!! I have accepted that I am slim, most likely will be for life, and I celebrate that every chance I have, no matter what people tell me. Granted, some days are better than others, but I am glad I still love me. Society will never ever EVER be pleased. Changing yourself for it will only leave you empty. We only have ourselves, and that’s enough <3 I am happy to have touched your heart.
Nothing but love
xx